Stepping inside the fertility clinic

I have wanted children for as long as I can remember.

I accepted after my marriage ended that there is a chance I would need to go it alone.

I have always wanted to love myself but didn’t know how.. until I made it a priority.

I knew that my mental health would have to be in a healthy place to get ready for figuring out my fertility.

You’re on your own.  And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.   Dr Seuss

Last year on my 38th birthday I reflected on the above list and my head and heart finally agreed with each other.  I was now ready to go down the fertility path alone.  As I sat there with a wine I felt so proud of myself.

The following day I picked up the phone and made an appointment with my GP.  I had previously read about a blood test that can tell you if your still ovulating or close to menopause – this information was important to me because over the last couple of years I had learnt of several family members that started going through menopause stages before the age of 40.   My lovely GP talked me through what that test was and agreed that getting my AMH test done was a good first step.

Over the next week while I waited for the results I braced myself for bad news, I mean come on I’m no spring chicken anymore when it comes to fertility, and if you knew the amount of bad luck I’d had over the years well…    anyway the results finally arrived and I was blown away that they came back positive there is a chance I can still have a family.

The time had finally arrived to pick up the phone again, this time calling the Fertility Associates to make an appointment with a fertility specialist.  6 weeks later I walked into the FA office alone and nervous but so excited for my appointment.   I sat in the waiting area and looked around, scared to pick up any of the fertility brochures before I spoke with the doctor, but I couldn’t help but notice the big sperm sculpture – it made me laugh a little (maybe the nerves) but that sculpture put me at ease, it’s not every day you sit near a sperm sculpture after all.

As I sat there I took a few moments to just be in the moment, I let my nerves settle and put my headphones in to do a quick round of mindfulness.  This was such a big step for my future and I wanted to keep a sense of calm, I wanted to take a few minutes to remind myself that I can do this, that I am strong enough, and to go after my dreams.

It so easy to get overwhelmed with all of the ifs and buts that the fear of it all can hold you back.. but for me finding out where things were at and what my chances are was the best thing I could have done for myself.   I have hope and now I have data, but more on that later.

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